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Crazy Asian Parent

How many of you people have problems with your mom?

Probably many, more than what people expected.

I had problems with my mother.  And since people had things to do, places to go and people to see, I'll make this one short.
  1. She calls me fat even when I weight 120 lbs at the height of 5'2".
  2. She tells me that I'm stupid at everything, that I don't have common sense and I'm only book smart.
  3. She tells me that I have problems with my temper when in fact she like changes her mood every 5 seconds.
  4. She nags and nags that we waste a lot of money even when we buy her stuff for her birthday or for Mother's day.
  5. She reads my text messages and emails and NEVER asks my permission.
  6. She thinks that when I help her I'm trying to go against her and tell her that she's useless.
  7. But when I don't help her she will scream at me and say that I'm a good for nothing child who has no respect.
  8. She kept on complaining that she doesn't feel well, but when I ask her to go to the doctor she'll accuse me that I want her to die early.
  9. She thinks that all the people in the house is against her or hate her, but in reality she just changes her mood SO MUCH that we really don't know what she really wants.  She's paranoid beyond comprehension.
  10. She screams at me that I'm stupid and that I'm an ungrateful person that she should not have fed me my whole life.
See here, I'm not going to call her crazy.  I'm not accusing her that she's a crazy ass bitch or something like that.  What complicates this situation is that I know what my mother has, and I know what she's feeling.

Because I am a doctor.

No, I'm not just any medical student in their freshmen year trying to impress people that they got into med school.  No - I have my license to prove it.

So I can't do anything about it, because another thing that complicates it is that I'm Asian.  You know traditional Asian people - they're afraid of white/black people, they're afraid of medicine, they accuse doctors of giving them diseases, and they treat their kids like a slaves when they get older because THE ASIAN PARENTS FED THEM WITH RICE AND SOY SAUCE.

I am grateful - I'm not denying that.  But what I am hating silently right now is that they do not listen to my advices even when it's legitimate or logical, just because I'm their child, I AM ONLY THEIR CHILD AND NOTHING MORE.

So, to the readers out there, I want you to leave a comment below and tell me - do you have any problems with your parent/s?  And if you do, what are they?  How do you get by living with them everyday?

Comments

xhatingsilently
Sep. 3rd, 2009 12:25 pm (UTC)
Well, my mom is dead but my grandmother raised me and she acts like that.

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother.

I'm not racist and I don't like to sound like one, but I think your grandmother stereotyped you. It's like being brainwashed by the news on TV - black teens that the older people "can't control" (yeah, right) with a room that's a little messy who stays in the room for quite some time that was involved in petty/henious crimes of some sort - and your grandmother will automatically think, "Hey, that sounds like the kid!" and she'll start "searching" your room like a CSI.

I just wish people will stop stereotyping other people.

I'm glad that you live away from them now. I know the feeling, but since Asian values require that we live with our parents so we can take care of them until they die - my options are limited.

I diagnosed my mother with one personality disorder, a mood disorder and a panic disorder. If I were not a doctor I would have not believed that these three can co-exist, but they can, unfortunately.

I'll read your recommended book Toxic Parents. Thanks for mentioning it.

I have an excuse to be in the room a lot, but we leave the door open. So, no privacy there, but it's "manageable".

Thanks for reading my post. I wish you happiness now that you're away from your grandparents.

xhatingsilently
crystalra1ndr0p
Sep. 3rd, 2009 03:18 pm (UTC)
Thanks.

Realistically there wasn't any way for me to get drugs, sneak out or anything because my grandparents lived more than 8 miles outside city limits and the city transit didn't even stop out there. I wasn't within walking distance of anything and I wasn't allowed to go anywhere except school and church, and none of my friends were allowed to come over. I couldn't go to their houses either. I think she was just saying I was on drugs because she didn't want to admit I actually had problems as a result of sexual abuse. I didn't find out I had PTSD and major depression until I was 19, and my whole life my grandmother kept telling me "I never had problems like this with your mom and uncle" and I thought "Yeah, maybe because you were actually their mother!"

It is sad but a lot of mental illnesses are co-morbid and make each other worse. Mood and anxiety disorders go together like peanut butter and jelly. It's also hard to distinguish personality disorders from mood disorders because the symptoms mimic each other and exacerbate each other. The thing is that people with personality disorders, even moreso than those with conditions like bipolar and schizophrenia believe nothing is wrong with them. They might not have a crash like a bipolar person or a psychotic break or terrifying command hallucinations like a schizophrenic person, which at least temporarily makes those people realize something is wrong and they need medication. But once they feel better they go off it. With a personality disorder, even at their worst they may still refuse to get help and blame the problems on everybody else, and become very defensive and hostile. And even if they do get on medication, it can treat the underlying mood disorders but not the way their outlook on life or the way they behave towards other people, and either fail to see or don't care about the consequences of their actions. I'm sorry if I am telling you things that you already know, but I was a psychology major.

I don't really know how to ask this, but what nationality of Asian are you? There were a lot of Asian students who lived in the dorms here, and they even kept a few open over breaks for international students or people who otherwise didn't want to go home (I took advantage of that because I just couldn't be around my grandmother for weeks at a time, once I had gotten away from her.) I actually had a roommate who was from South Korea.

My grandmother tries to guilt trip me and she says "Other people's kids love their parents so much they come and see them every weekend" (Even though I don't even live an hour away from her). Sometimes she says I don't care about her and I hate her and want her to die but I guess now that I have gotten away from her it's easier to tell myself that it isn't true and it doesn't mean anything about me that she is saying that. Sometimes on Intervention they say when you tell the person something they don't want to hear, they will get verbally abusive but they are just making noise the same way a kid throws a tantrum. It's really difficult when the people you care about most behave that way and say these things, and it's much easier said than done to not take what they say seriously but I hope that one day you can reach that point.
xhatingsilently
Sep. 3rd, 2009 04:31 pm (UTC)
"I think she was just saying I was on drugs because she didn't want to admit I actually had problems as a result of sexual abuse."

Now there's one of the root of the problems. Denial was never, is never and will never be a good thing.

Lately she had been blaming a lot of things on me, and what I'm worried about is that she'll snap at the slightest, most trivial things. For the past two years I've been telling her to get professional help, but she says that "it will go away on its own". First I tried giving hints, then later on I tell it to her face openly, without pretenses. I gave up helping her because she never listens to me at all when I talk about these things. She'll just turn away, talk about something irrelevant or scream at me for something trivial, like "Why are you drinking cold water? Cold water is bad for you."

My nationality is a bit bizarre - I have Filipino, Chinese and Spanish blood in me.


"My grandmother tries to guilt trip me..."

It just occurred to me that most parents/guardians use this tactic to teach their children. Do you still remember the positive and negative conditioning in psychology 101? I feel that it's more gearing to the side of negative conditioning. That's true in my case - instead of wanting to be with my mother because of her various "guilt trips", I don't want to be around her anymore, because instead of sharing something positive she'll throw in a lot of "you're dumb/fat/loser" type of topics in any conversation.


Sometimes on Intervention they say when you tell the person something they don't want to hear, they will get verbally abusive but they are just making noise the same way a kid throws a tantrum.

This is very true. It is like they wanted to hear things that they REALLY want to hear (e.g., praises, achievements) and Asians (especially the chinese) believe that by throwing in a lot of these positive stuff they will cancel and channel out all the negative stuff. That is hypocrisy. I personally don't believe in that "principle".

Thanks again for taking the time to ready my post/reply. I wish that a miracle will happen and my mother will help herself get well instead of covering it up.

xhatingsilently

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